


I've Never

by tjs_whatnot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Second War with Voldemort, Wizarding Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-31
Updated: 2009-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjs_whatnot/pseuds/tjs_whatnot
Summary: Some staff meetings are moreinterestingthan others.





	I've Never

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Written for Snape' birthday at Lupin_snape at Insane Journal

“Ish ah-ite, ish my day offs,” Minerva McGonagall slurred.

 

“Splendid, whose turn is it?” Albus Dumbledore asked, raising his glass and squinting.

 

Remus and Severus pointed at each other.

 

“I just asked about the gardens,” Remus protested.

 

“That was me, dear,” Sprout piped with a hiccup.

 

“Fine,” Remus said, thinking. “I’ve never gotten drunk in the staff room before.”

 

And, like many, _many_ rounds of ‘I’ve Never’ before, Remus and Severus were the only ones not to raise their glasses and shoot their Firewhisky.

 

“Your turn dear,” Trewlaney said, burping up stale Sherry.

 

Severus bristled at the endearment. “Why are we doing this again? Weren’t we called here for a staff meeting?”

 

“But ith yourrrr birth… _hic_ birth… _hic_ day.” Minerva barely got out.

 

Severus turned on Remus. “Did you set this up?”

 

“Absolutely not!” Remus lied badly. Flitwick giggled from under the table, where he had wound up after the round where inappropriate use of Charms was featured.

 

Trewlaney smiled and tried to point seductively to Remus. “He told us you’d love it, Severus.”

 

“Yes, yes, he’s very naughty,” Dumbledore sighed with glassy eyes. “Trying to make you have fun on your birthday, what was he thinking?”

 

Remus blushed and Severus’ glare diminished slightly. “Very well, if it is my turn,” Severus thought or a moment, “I’ve never shagged anyone in the staff room.”

 

Remus and Severus looked around the room horrified as each of their co-workers raised their glasses again. Calmly, Severus rose from the lounge he and Remus were sitting on and indicated that Remus should stand up as well.

 

“Scourgify,” Severus said, pointing his wand at the cushions.

 

“Really?” Remus asked the room in general as they sat back down. “Who knew professors were such randy buggers?”

 

Dumbledore giggled like a child. “You should have joined our ranks years ago Remus! I dare say you’d be more snookered.”

 

“Ohhh, my turn,” Trewlaney said, bouncing on her chair. Then she cocked her head and looked as if she was contacting her third eye until Minerva cleared her throat loudly.

 

“Right. I’ve never… never… shagged a werewolf,” she breathed, almost growling at Remus’ direction. He swallowed and looked at Severus to see if he’d drink. Everyone watched Severus to see if he’d drink. _Nosy buggers,_ Severus thought, before he shrieked, “Minerva!”

 

McGonagall wiped her mouth with her forearm and looked around the room defiantly. “What?”

 

Remus leaned into Severus and whispered. “Have you noticed we’re the only ones who aren’t drunk?”

 

Severus smirked. “Well, they’ve had a long, _long_ time to live a debauched life, we’ve only begun.” 

 

Leaning even more closely, Remus breathed, “What do you say we ditch this party and go remove a few more things from our list of ‘I’ve Never’?”

 

Severus closed the infinitesimal space between them, his nose resting on Remus’ ear and whispered in a soft murmur. “I’d say, Happy Birthday to me.”


End file.
